Episode #29: How Divorce Can Destroy Your Routine-and How to Rebuild Your Health
Divorce can disrupt more than a relationship. It can change where you live, how bills are paid, who prepares meals, how parenting responsibilities are shared, and what your mornings and evenings look like. When the basic structure of daily life changes, exercise, sleep, nutrition, and personal care can become difficult to maintain.
In this episode of The Divorce Circle, host and mortgage broker Sabeena Bubber of Xeva Mortgage speaks with Kathleen Trotter, MSc, a Canadian fitness expert, personal trainer, life coach, author, and media personality. Their conversation examines why divorce can make healthy routines feel impossible and how small, deliberately designed systems can help a person begin again.
The central message is reassuring: you do not need a perfect routine to support your health. You need a routine that is realistic enough to survive your hardest days.
“Humaning is hard.”
Watch the full episode: How Divorce Can Destroy Your Routine and How to Rebuild Your Health
Why Divorce Makes Healthy Habits Feel So Difficult
A routine depends on predictability. Divorce often removes that predictability at the exact moment when emotional and logistical demands are highest. You may be finding a new home, adjusting parenting schedules, managing legal appointments, reviewing finances, or trying to understand what happens to the family property. Even ordinary tasks can require new decisions.
This disruption is not evidence of laziness or a lack of discipline. It is a reasonable response to a major transition. The American Psychiatric Association identifies physical activity, nutrition, sleep, and social connection as lifestyle factors that can support mental health, while also emphasizing that these habits can be adapted and developed gradually rather than treated as an all-or-nothing program.
Kathleen’s approach begins with accepting the current reality. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I do what I used to do?” ask, “What would support me in this season of my life?” The answer may be different from the routine you had before separation.
What may change after separation: Your living arrangement or commute
A more useful health question: What form of movement is practical where I live now?
What may change after separation: Parenting and work responsibilities
A more useful health question: What is the smallest routine I can repeat around my actual schedule?
What may change after separation: Your energy and emotional capacity
A more useful health question: What would help me feel slightly more regulated today?
What may change after separation: Your access to food, equipment, or support
A more useful health question: What can I prepare in advance for a difficult day?
The goal is not to recreate your former life immediately. It is to establish a few reliable points of stability while the larger decisions are still being resolved.
Stop Waiting for the Perfect Workout
One of the strongest themes in the episode is the danger of perfectionism. People may believe that exercise only “counts” if it lasts an hour, follows a precise plan, or produces visible results. During divorce, that standard can make starting feel impossible.
Kathleen encourages a minimum-dose approach. If an hour is not realistic, try ten minutes. If a full gym session is not possible, take a short walk, stretch, climb stairs, or complete a few basic movements at home. The purpose is not to pretend that ten minutes solves every problem. It is to make the next supportive action achievable.
“Perfect really is the enemy of getting crap done.”
A smaller routine can also provide evidence that you are still capable of making choices on your own behalf. That evidence matters when separation has left you exhausted, uncertain, or disconnected from your usual sense of identity.
Try replacing these statements with more workable questions:
Instead of telling yourself… “I should be exercising properly by now.”
Ask yourself… “What movement is appropriate for my energy and health today?”
Instead of telling yourself… “If I cannot do the full workout, there is no point.”
Ask yourself… “What is the minimum dose that would still support me?”
Instead of telling yourself… “I have lost all my progress.”
Ask yourself… “What is one routine I can begin rebuilding?”
Instead of telling yourself… “I need more motivation.”
Ask yourself… “What system could make the next step easier?”
Kathleen also cautions against comparing your recovery with someone else’s. A routine that works for a friend, influencer, or former version of yourself may not fit your present circumstances. Comparison can become another reason not to begin.
Build Systems for Your Least-Motivated Self
Motivation is temporary. It can be affected by sleep, stress, pain, hormones, grief, parenting demands, and the uncertainty of separation. Kathleen’s point is not that motivation is irrelevant. It is that motivation should not be the only thing holding a routine together.
“You need systems that are going to help your least motivated self succeed.”
A system is a decision made in advance. It reduces the amount of effort required when you are tired or emotionally overwhelmed. Kathleen uses the idea of pre-commitment: when you are having a more capable day, you create conditions that support you on a less capable day.
Examples include placing gym clothes beside the bed, keeping walking shoes by the door, booking an appointment with a trainer, arranging to walk with a friend, preparing a simple breakfast, or putting a short workout into your calendar. These choices remove friction from a helpful habit.
The same principle can apply to other aspects of divorce recovery. You might use a more organized day to gather mortgage statements, schedule a consultation, prepare questions for your lawyer, or create a basic weekly meal plan. That preparation does not force you to make a final decision. It simply makes the next decision easier.
Sabeena Bubber’s Personal Perspective: Support Can Keep You Going
During the conversation, Sabeena shares that she struggled to maintain fitness during a three-year divorce and a subsequent breast cancer journey. She describes practical environmental cues, including placing workout clothes where they would be visible first thing in the morning. She also speaks about the importance of a trainer who would not let her quit and children who modeled healthy behaviour.
Her experience reinforces another important message: health recovery does not have to be a solo project. A coach, friend, therapist, healthcare professional, family member, or support group may provide the accountability or compassion that is difficult to generate alone.
The right support depends on the problem. A fitness professional may help with movement. A registered dietitian may help with nutrition. A healthcare provider can assess symptoms, medications, illness, injuries, or changes in physical capacity. A therapist or counsellor may help with grief, anxiety, trauma, or the mental load of divorce. A family lawyer can advise on legal issues, while a mortgage professional can clarify housing and financing questions.
The purpose of building a support network is not to collect advice from everyone. It is to ensure that important decisions are guided by the appropriately qualified person.
Change Your State Before You Argue With Your Story
Kathleen discusses the relationship between state, story, and strategy. In simple terms, your physical state can influence the story you tell yourself, and that story can influence what you do next. When you are exhausted and isolated, your thoughts may become more negative. A small amount of movement, hydration, sunlight, or food may not remove the underlying problem, but it can change the conditions in which you are trying to think.
This does not mean that exercise cures depression, resolves trauma, or replaces therapy. It means that a brief, appropriate physical action can sometimes create enough space to take the next step. Research and clinical guidance likewise support small, sustainable lifestyle habits as complements to professional mental-health care, not substitutes for it.
A practical reset might be ten minutes outside, a glass of water, a short walk, a shower, a simple meal, or a phone call to someone safe. If movement causes pain, worsens symptoms, or conflicts with medical guidance, stop and seek professional advice.
Reframe Fitness Around Function and Longevity
The discussion moves beyond appearance and toward functional fitness: building a body that can participate in daily life, recover from setbacks, and remain capable over time. Strength, balance, mobility, walking, and the ability to perform ordinary tasks may matter more than a particular body shape or scale number.
Kathleen shares an example of an older client whose consistent strength and walking habits supported a level of function that seemed younger than her chronological age. The broader lesson is not a promise that exercise can prevent every health problem. It is that physical capacity can influence independence and resilience across the lifespan.
For someone after divorce, functional goals may be more supportive than appearance-based goals. You might want to carry groceries, climb stairs, play with your children, sleep more consistently, feel steadier, or have enough energy to manage appointments and work. These goals are measurable without requiring you to punish or criticize your body.
Nutrition During Stress: Observe Before You Judge
Stress can affect eating in opposite ways. Some people eat more for comfort or convenience. Others lose their appetite, skip meals, or rely on caffeine because planning food feels impossible. Kathleen recommends beginning with a short, non-judgmental inventory rather than immediately imposing strict rules.
For two days, notice when you eat, how hungry you feel, what foods are accessible, and what happens when stress rises. The purpose is to gather information, not to create another source of shame. You may discover that the most useful first step is keeping easy foods available, eating earlier, adding a source of protein, or arranging support with meal preparation.
The episode discusses aiming for protein in the morning. The appropriate amount depends on the individual, including age, body size, activity level, health conditions, medications, dietary pattern, and medical advice. Health Canada identifies a range of protein foods, including beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, fish, meat, dairy, and alternatives-as part of healthy eating guidance.
If you are managing an illness, recovering from an eating disorder, pregnant, taking medication, or experiencing significant changes in appetite or weight, consult a qualified healthcare professional before making substantial nutrition changes.
The Mortgage Side of Rebuilding Stability
Health and housing may seem like separate topics, but financial uncertainty can affect sleep, stress, food choices, and the ability to plan. A person who is unsure whether they can afford to keep the family home may struggle to make decisions about work, childcare, transportation, and future routines.
That is why housing information can be part of a broader recovery plan. Before agreeing to keep the home, refinance, buy out a spouse, sell, or purchase again, review the legal and financial implications with the right professionals. A separation agreement may require a housing arrangement that does not meet lender qualification requirements.
Sabeena Bubber, Mortgage Broker, Xeva Mortgage, offers confidential conversations about mortgage options during separation, including refinancing, spousal buyouts, qualifying on one income, and planning for a future purchase. Her The Divorce Circle platform also provides conversations and resources about the financial, emotional, legal, and practical realities of divorce.
A mortgage consultation does not tell you whether you should stay in the home. It can help you understand whether a proposed plan is financially workable. That information can be considered alongside independent legal, tax, financial, and emotional advice.
Decision readiness includes information readiness. Before committing to a housing plan, confirm that the proposed mortgage arrangement can realistically be financed.
To discuss the mortgage side of separation, readers can book a confidential consultation with Sabeena Bubber. This is an educational and planning conversation, not a guarantee of approval.
A Practical Seven-Day Reset After Divorce
The goal of a reset is not to transform your life in one week. It is to create a small amount of structure that can continue after the week comes to an end.
Observe: Notice sleep, meals, movement, stress, and energy without judging yourself.
Choose a minimum dose: Set a movement target that feels possible, such as ten minutes of walking or gentle mobility.
Remove friction: Put shoes, clothing, food, or a water bottle where you will see them.
Pre-commit: Schedule one appointment, walk, class, or check-in for a future low-motivation day.
Add support: Tell one trusted person what kind of help would be useful.
Gather information: Organize one category of documents, such as mortgage, income, debt, or property records.
Review with compassion: Keep what helped, change what did not, and avoid treating an imperfect day as failure.
If your circumstances involve abuse, stalking, coercive control, serious mental-health symptoms, or immediate safety concerns, do not rely on a routine plan alone. Seek specialized support and make a confidential safety plan.
Key Takeaways From Kathleen Trotter’s Interview
Divorce disrupts routine for understandable reasons: Start by acknowledging the new demands on your time, body, emotions, and attention.
Minimum doses are better than perfectionism: Ten realistic minutes may be more valuable than an ideal plan you cannot repeat.
Systems support low-motivation days: Use visible cues, scheduled commitments, prepared food, and accountability.
Your body can influence your mental state: Appropriate movement, hydration, food, and sunlight may help create space for the next decision.
Function matters more than appearance: Build strength, mobility, balance, and energy for the life you want to live.
Support is a strength, not a failure: Use qualified professionals and trusted people for different parts of recovery.
Financial clarity can reduce uncertainty: Understand housing and mortgage options before committing to a separation plan.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Begin with one or two small actions that fit your current life. A short walk, a consistent breakfast, a regular bedtime, or preparing clothes the night before can create structure without overwhelming you. Add support and increase the routine gradually. If depression, anxiety, trauma, illness, or injury is affecting your ability to function, consult an appropriate healthcare or mental-health professional.
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Ten minutes may be a useful starting point when a longer workout feels impossible. It is not a universal prescription, and the right activity depends on your health and circumstances. The purpose of a minimum dose is to make movement accessible and repeatable. Over time, you can adjust duration and intensity with qualified guidance.
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Do not make motivation your only strategy. Prepare in advance by putting out clothing, scheduling a class, arranging a walking partner, or booking a trainer. Choose a smaller action than your perfectionist mind demands. Systems are especially valuable on difficult days.
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Start by observing your eating pattern for a short period without judgment. Keep simple, nourishing foods available and aim for regular meals if that is appropriate for you. Protein targets should be individualized. If you have a medical condition, significant appetite or weight changes, or a history of disordered eating, seek advice from a qualified healthcare professional or registered dietitian.
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It is often useful to speak with a mortgage broker early, before agreeing to keep the family home, refinance, buy out a spouse, sell, or purchase another property. Early qualification information can help you and your legal team assess whether a proposed housing arrangement is realistic. Sabeena Bubber’s confidential divorce-mortgage consultation is one option for exploring those questions.
Where can I find supportive conversations about life after divorce?
The The Divorce Circle Podcast features conversations about mental health, wellness, personal finance, family law, real estate, mortgages, co-parenting, and rebuilding confidence. The podcast is hosted by Sabeena Bubber and is designed to offer clarity, practical tools, and reassurance during and after separation.
Watch, Subscribe, and Stay Connected
Watch the full conversation with Kathleen Trotter on The Divorce Circle. For more conversations about separation, money, parenting, legal considerations, wellbeing, housing, and new beginnings, visit The Divorce Circle and subscribe to The Divorce Circle on YouTube.
If the housing or financial side of separation is creating uncertainty, connect with Sabeena Bubber, Mortgage Broker for a confidential, no-obligation discussion. Understanding your options does not require an immediate decision. It gives you information that can support the next one.
Educational disclaimer: This article is for general educational purposes only. It is not legal, medical, mental-health, nutrition, financial, tax, or mortgage advice. Exercise and nutrition recommendations must be adapted to each person’s health, capacity, and circumstances. Seek guidance from appropriately qualified professionals. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.