Episode #28: Strength After Divorce: Escaping Abuse, Living With MS, and Starting Over
Starting over after abuse, separation, illness, or financial uncertainty is not a single decision. It is a series of choices made when life may feel least predictable: getting through the day, asking for help, putting one foot in front of the other, and slowly trusting yourself again.
In this episode of The Divorce Circle, host and mortgage broker Sabeena Bubber, Mortgage Broker for Xeva Mortgage speaks with strength and nutrition coach Michelle Troll about leaving an abusive marriage, arriving in Canada with her young daughter and very limited resources, living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), and rebuilding a life grounded in physical and emotional strength. Their conversation offers a compassionate reminder that recovery does not have to look dramatic to be real. Often, it begins with one small promise kept to yourself.
“Physical strength is often the doorway to emotional strength.”
Watch the full episode: Strength Is Built Twice: Escaping Abuse, Living with MS & Starting Over
Michelle Troll’s Story: Choosing Safety and a New Beginning
Michelle’s story begins with an act of courage. In the episode, she describes leaving a violent marriage in her early twenties to protect herself and her two-year-old daughter. She later immigrated to Canada with two suitcases and $300, then faced an immigration hearing before being allowed to remain in the country. These are Michelle’s lived experiences as shared in the interview, not a template for how any other person’s path must unfold.
The conversation does not reduce recovery to positive thinking. Instead, it recognizes the reality of fear, grief, logistics, and financial pressure. Michelle speaks openly about how the fear of having too little money can keep people feeling trapped in unsafe or unhealthy circumstances. For someone navigating separation, that fear may involve housing, income, parenting, legal questions, debt, or the next mortgage payment. The feeling is real, but it does not mean you must solve every part of the future today.
Safety and immediate stability: Speak with a local domestic-violence support organization, lawyer, or trusted professional who understands the situation.
Housing uncertainty: Separate the emotional decision from the financing question; understand your options before agreeing to a buyout, sale, or refinance.
Loss of confidence: Create one achievable daily commitment, such as a short walk, a meal, a call, or a document-organizing task.
Too many unknowns: Build a small support team rather than relying on a single source for legal, financial, health, and emotional guidance.
When safety is a concern, a person’s plan should be individualized and confidential. A mortgage conversation can be useful for understanding financial possibilities, but it is never a substitute for emergency services, safety planning, legal advice, or specialized domestic-violence support.
When Health Changes the Way You See Yourself
Michelle was diagnosed with MS at age 28. In the episode, she reflects on the long period of uncertainty before her diagnosis and the way progressive strength training and nutrition helped her feel more capable in her body. She describes a shift away from pursuing an aesthetic ideal and toward pursuing resilience, strength, and agency.
That distinction matters. A divorce, an illness, or a traumatic experience can interrupt the identity someone thought they had. It can also make self-care feel like one more demand on an already full list. Michelle’s perspective offers a different frame: movement does not have to be a performance. It can be a way to reconnect with your own capacity and make your wellbeing a priority.
“Every rep, every workout was a brick that I was laying down for the foundation of the person I was rebuilding.”
This article does not provide medical advice. MS symptoms, medication, exercise needs, nutrition, and recovery plans vary significantly. Anyone living with MS or another health condition should consult their qualified healthcare team before beginning or changing an exercise or nutrition program.
The Five-Minute Rule: Why Small Actions Matter in Divorce Recovery
A major theme in the episode is consistency over perfection. Michelle recommends beginning with five minutes of movement when motivation is low or the nervous system feels overloaded. The purpose is not to achieve a perfect workout. It is to make the next helpful action feel possible and to rebuild the internal trust that comes from following through on a manageable commitment.
This approach can apply beyond exercise. During a difficult transition, a five-minute action might mean opening the mail, booking a legal consultation, gathering a mortgage statement, updating a budget, drinking water, or walking around the block. Small steps do not erase the problem. They can, however, create momentum without demanding that you have all the answers immediately.
Instead of telling yourself…
“I need to get my entire life back on track.”
Try this more workable question…
“What is one supportive action I can take in the next five minutes?”
Instead of telling yourself…
“I should be stronger than this.”
Try this more workable question…
“What support would make this step feel safer or more manageable?”
Instead of telling yourself…
“I cannot make a decision until I know everything.”
Try this more workable question…
“What information would help me make the next decision?”
Instead of telling yourself…
“I have failed because I missed a day.”
Try this more workable question…
“How can I return to my routine with compassion today?”
For readers rebuilding after divorce, this is a useful antidote to all-or-nothing thinking. Progress can be quiet. It may look like choosing a short walk over staying isolated, preparing a meal when stress affects your appetite, or collecting documents before a financial meeting. The repetition of these choices can help restore confidence over time.
Building a Support System: You Do Not Have to Do Every Part Alone
Michelle and Sabeena discuss the importance of having a “champion” in your corner: a coach, friend, practitioner, or other trusted person who provides accountability and encouragement. In separation, support is most effective when it is both emotional and practical. A friend may help you feel less alone, while a legal professional may clarify rights and obligations. A therapist or counsellor may support coping and recovery. A mortgage broker can help you understand whether a housing plan is financially workable before it becomes a binding decision.
The point is not to assemble an enormous team. It is to make sure that decisions involving safety, parenting, property, health, or financing are made with appropriately qualified support.
Domestic-violence advocate or crisis service: Provides confidential, trauma-informed safety planning and referrals.
Family lawyer: Gives legal advice about separation, parenting, property, support, and agreements.
Therapist, counsellor, or healthcare professional: Supports emotional wellbeing and health needs within their scope of practice.
Financial professional or accountant: Helps organize income, assets, debt, cash flow, and tax considerations.
Mortgage broker: Explains financing scenarios, such as a spousal buyout, refinancing joint property, qualifying on one income, or buying again after separation.
For the mortgage side of a separation, Sabeena Bubber, Mortgage Broker specializes in conversations about spousal buyouts, refinancing joint property, qualifying on a single income, and rebuilding toward another purchase. Her broader Separation & Divorce mortgage resources emphasize seeking financing clarity early, before a person commits to an arrangement that may not be approved by a lender.
What Does Strength Have to Do With Housing and Financial Recovery?
At first glance, strength training and mortgage planning may seem unrelated. Yet the conversation reveals a connection: both require a person to look honestly at their present reality while taking deliberate steps toward a more stable future.
After separation, it can be tempting to make a housing decision only from emotion. You may want to keep the family home because it represents continuity for your children or because leaving feels like one more loss. You may want to sell quickly because the home carries difficult memories. Either response is understandable. Still, the legal agreement, title, existing mortgage, debt, support income, credit, and lender qualification must also work together.
A confidential discussion with a mortgage professional can help clarify questions such as whether you may qualify to refinance in your own name, whether a buyout is financially feasible, what documents a lender may request, or whether selling and purchasing later may provide more flexibility. It does not determine what you should do; it gives you information to use alongside legal and financial advice.
Mortgage readiness is part of decision readiness. Before finalizing a separation agreement involving the home, confirm that the proposed mortgage plan can realistically be financed.
To explore the mortgage side of your options, readers can book a confidential mortgage consultation with Sabeena Bubber. www.sabeenabubber.ca
A Trauma-Aware Approach to Rebuilding Confidence
Michelle’s story is not about being unaffected by hard experiences. It is about choosing, repeatedly, to move toward a life that feels more aligned with strength, health, and self-respect. In the interview, Sabeena also shares how working with Michelle during a high-conflict divorce helped her reconnect with training and personal resilience.
For someone beginning again, a trauma-aware approach is usually more sustainable than pressure or self-criticism. It allows room for grief while still recognizing your ability to make decisions. It respects rest while avoiding the idea that healing must be postponed until life is perfect. It focuses on the choices within reach today.
A practical recovery rhythm may include making time for sleep and nourishment, maintaining safe connections, getting professional support, reducing unnecessary financial surprises, and choosing movement that feels appropriate for your body and circumstances. None of these steps needs to be perfect. Together, they can create the conditions for greater clarity.
Strength is more than appearance. Building physical capacity can support a renewed sense of confidence and agency.
Start smaller than you think you need to. A five-minute action can reduce overwhelm and create a positive pattern of follow-through.
You are allowed to ask for help. Different challenges call for different professionals and support people.
Financial fear deserves practical information. Understanding housing and mortgage options can replace some uncertainty with clear next steps.
Recovery is not linear. Rest, grief, setbacks, and renewed momentum can all be part of rebuilding.
Your wellbeing has value. Prioritizing health, safety, and stability is not selfish; it supports the life you are creating next.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I rebuild confidence after divorce or separation?
Confidence often returns through evidence: small commitments you keep, clear information you gather, and supportive people you let in. Start with actions that are realistic for your present capacity. This could include a brief walk, a daily meal routine, organizing financial documents, meeting with a counsellor, or asking a trusted professional a specific question. If you are coping with trauma or safety concerns, specialized support may be an important part of the process.
Can exercise help after a traumatic life change?
Many people find that gentle or structured movement helps them reconnect with their bodies, routine, and sense of agency. However, physical activity is not a replacement for mental-health care, medical treatment, or trauma-informed support. Choose activity that is appropriate for your health and consult a qualified healthcare professional if you have a medical condition, injury, or concern.
What should I do if I am worried about affording the family home after separation?
Before signing a separation agreement or agreeing to keep the home, gather current mortgage, income, debt, and property information. Speak to a family lawyer for legal advice and a mortgage professional for a realistic qualification assessment. A mortgage broker can explain potential refinance, buyout, sale, or future-purchase scenarios, but approval is always subject to lender requirements and your full financial profile.
When should I speak with a mortgage broker during divorce?
It can be helpful to speak with a mortgage broker early, before final decisions about a buyout, refinance, sale, or new purchase are made. Early information can help ensure the housing proposal being discussed is financially feasible. Sabeena Bubber’s divorce-mortgage consultation is designed to help people understand those mortgage questions with discretion.
Where can I find more support for life after divorce?
The The Divorce Circle Podcast features conversations on divorce, personal finance, mental health, family law, real estate, mortgages, and rebuilding. It is a resource for people who want practical information and a reminder that they do not have to navigate the process alone.
Watch, Subscribe, and Stay Connected
Watch the full interview with Michelle Troll on The Divorce Circle. You can also follow Michelle on Instagram @michelle_unbreakable For more conversations about separation, money, parenting, legal considerations, real estate, wellbeing, and new beginnings, visit The Divorce Circle and subscribe to The Divorce Circle on YouTube.
If the financial or housing side of separation is creating uncertainty, connect with Sabeena Bubber, Mortgage Broker for a confidential, no-obligation discussion. Understanding your mortgage options does not mean you need to make an immediate decision; it means you can move forward with better information.
Educational disclaimer: This article is for general educational purposes only. It is not legal, medical, mental-health, financial, tax, or mortgage advice. Domestic abuse, separation, health, and mortgage matters are highly personal. Seek guidance from appropriately qualified professionals about your own circumstances. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
References
[1] The Divorce Circle, “Strength Is Built Twice: Escaping Abuse, Living with MS & Starting Over”
[2] Sabeena Bubber, Mortgage Broker: official website and separation/divorce mortgage services
[3] The Divorce Circle Podcast: tools, conversations, and clarity for your next chapter
[4] BC Financial Services Authority: Sabeena Bubber registrant information
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