Episode #19: How to Know If Your Relationship Is Actually Right for You
Are you quietly questioning your relationship? You are not alone. Many high-functioning, successful individuals find themselves stuck in "relationship limbo"—the exhausting mental loop of wondering whether to stay and rebuild, or leave and start over.
In a recent episode of The Divorce Circle Podcast, host Sabeena Bubber sat down with Cindy Stibbard, a top Divorce & Relationship Coach and Exclusive Relationship Advisor. Cindy shared her data-driven approach to relationship clarity, explaining why traditional talk therapy often fails couples on the brink, and how to finally get the answers you need.
If you are struggling to make one of the most important decisions of your life, here is what you need to know.
The Danger of "Relationship Limbo"
Relationship limbo is the space where logic, emotion, responsibility, and fear collide. You may already feel emotionally disconnected, but you stay because the decision carries immense weight. You worry about the impact on your children, your finances, and your future.
As Cindy Stibbard explains, the real problem isn't the decision itself—it is the lack of clarity before the decision.
“When you have clarity, everything shifts. You stop spinning. You stop second-guessing. You stop outsourcing your truth. And from that place—you know what to do.”
Without clarity, people often make decisions based on panic, guilt, or pressure, leading to regret. Or worse, they stay stuck for years, wasting precious time in an unfulfilling dynamic.
Why Traditional Therapy Might Not Be Enough
When a relationship hits a crisis point, the default advice is often "go to couples counseling." However, Cindy points out that traditional talk therapy can sometimes keep couples stuck in the emotional "tsunami" of their problems without providing a clear path forward.
Instead of just processing feelings, Cindy advocates for a data-driven approach.
The Relationship Audit: A Data-Driven Diagnostic
To help clients gain objective clarity, Cindy created The Relationship Audit. This is a 30-to-40-minute digital assessment designed to give individuals black-and-white data about the health of their relationship. The Audit helps answer the ultimate question: Is this relationship rebuildable, or is it time to leave?
Here is how it works:-
Taken individually (not as a couple) to validate your personal feelings and remove the confusion of your partner's perspective.
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Assesses critical foundations like communication, intimacy, shared values, conflict resolution, and future vision.
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Grades the relationship on a scale from A to F, providing a clear, objective "report card."
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Identifies the three weakest areas (the "cracks" in the foundation) that need immediate attention.
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Identifies the three strongest areas holding the couple together, showing what is worth saving.
Key Insights for Relationship Clarity
During the podcast, Cindy shared several profound insights that can help you evaluate your relationship right now:
Communication is a Learned Skill, Not an Innate Trait: Many couples believe they simply "can't communicate." Cindy stresses that communication is a learned skill. Before a couple can fix their issues together, individuals must first learn how to communicate their own feelings without defensiveness.
Defensiveness is Armor: When a partner is highly resistant or shut down, it is usually a protective mechanism stemming from childhood modeling or past trauma. It is not necessarily about you; it is about how they learned to protect themselves. Understanding this can shift the dynamic from blame to empathy.
The "Empty Nest" Blindspot: Many couples focus entirely on raising kids and building a life. Once the kids leave, they realize they never discussed their aligned vision for the future. If one wants to travel the world and the other wants a quiet cabin, the relationship will struggle to survive the empty nest phase.
The "B-Grade" Relationship is Healthy: A healthy, sustainable relationship does not need to be a perfect "A." A "B" grade means the relationship is good, loving, and has room for improvement. Expecting perfection is a recipe for disappointment.
Dealbreakers are Real: Certain behaviours automatically downgrade a relationship severely. Massive breaches of trust, infidelity, or any level of verbal or emotional abuse are critical red flags that must be addressed immediately.
Doing the Work Before You Leave
If you decide to leave, Cindy offers a crucial piece of advice: Do the work on yourself first.
If you leave a relationship without resolving your own internal issues, communication blind spots, and unhealed patterns, you will simply repeat the exact same dynamic in your next relationship. Individual accountability is the key to breaking toxic cycles.
Dating Post-Divorce: Finding the "Exhale"
For those who have decided to move on, dating after divorce can be daunting. Cindy advises keeping your expectations for a healthy dynamic high but looking past superficial traits (like swiping left just because someone isn't six feet tall).
What is the ultimate sign you are with the right person? The Exhale.
The right partner should make your nervous system react with peace. They should allow you to drop your armor, stop over-functioning, and simply exhale.
Take the Next Step Toward Clarity
You don't need more time; you need clarity. Whether you choose to stay and rebuild, or prepare for a compassionate ending, making that decision from a place of grounded truth changes everything.
Listen to the full episode: How to Know If Your Relationship Is Actually Right for You on The Divorce Circle Podcast.
Connect with Cindy Stibbard: Visit cindystibbard.com to learn more about her Exclusive Relationship Advisory services or to take The Relationship Audit.
Explore More Resources: Visit Sabeena Bubber's website and The Divorce Circle for more expert guidance on navigating life's biggest transitions.
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